Why I do feel like I'm not enough?

Why do I never feel good enough for you? Why do I diminish myself and my feelings when the air is tense? How do you have the power to make me crumble? Why do I allow you to have that power? How do I love you so much it hurts in more ways than one? Why does my anxiety sky rocket when I know we aren't well? Why do I struggle to read you at times? Why am I scared to text you a simple, "Goodnight, I love you"? That feels like the hardest things to do right now, yet I want to do it so bad my chest hurts. But I don't want to overstep. I already feel like you hate me. Like you're going to leave me. It's fine though, I'd understand. Sometimes I feel like a stupid and annoying little sister to you instead of a partner. I feel like you look down on me and are shamed of me when I make a mistake or mess up or do anything that you don't like or approve of. I often wonder if it's the age difference finally catching up with us. I wish you would just tell me you love me and give me one of those special, intimate hugs we do that makes our issues go away. The embrace that reconnects us. I'd do anything to have that right now.