Yep....you read that right. My job broke up with me. And I am a wreck.

I equate this scenario to that boyfriend or girlfriend we all had who blindsided you with a breakup - no hints, no warning, just straight up fucking dumped you. That's exactly how this feels. High school, or hell, maybe even middle school for some of you people, heartbreak - complete devastation, confusion, how the hell did this happen. Mind running 1,0oo mph around absolute nothing but the thought of this.

I really thought I'd be at this job forever. I truly felt that. We clicked so well. I was immediately family there. Immediately fit in with everyone. I grew to truly love these people. This company. My job. I loved my job. I loved this company, what they did, what they stood for, how they conducted business. EVERYTHING.

I had finally found a home. Amidst all the chaos I had endured in 2022, I had finally been able to pick myself back up, put my faith in a company again who helped build my self-esteem back up, reminded me that I am fucking great and talented and that I am a good person and truly....helped heal me. I can honestly say that BOLTGROUP helped heal me.

It does suck and but I was very blindsided by this today. Everything seemed great. Really. No complaints, no issues, no tension, no nothing. I thought the relationship was going great and I was well on my way to my one year anniversary with them in February and had many more to look forward to. They told me that they were "restructuring the company". So of course, I immediately thought I did something wrong or wasn't good enough. That had to be why this was happening. But, he immediately assured me that it wasn't me at all. I could tell it was hard for him to do this. I could see it in his eyes as he was saying it. He was tearing up. I was tearing up. Just a fucking office full of sadness. I asked him why when I met him, this job position was the most important one to fill, yet so easily disposed of now. He said he was responsible for that decision to hire me because he knew he needed to relieve the stress the team was under, being spread so thin with their own work and now the entire role of marketing spread across them too. Welp, here they are....right back in the same damn situation. I knew I helped relieve a lot of stress they were having. Fuck I helped boost business, brand presence on social platforms and here in Charlotte and got them involved in the local startup and entrepreneurial community! I did a fuck ton for them. I know they're going to realize it real fucking quick too.

I've realized a lot though. This job and team did so much for me mentally, physically, emotionally, every way possible. They made me have faith in working for someone again and trusting that people would be good to me and treat me right. Who knew my worth and appreciated me and what I bring to the table. Where I could be myself every single day without even hesitating. They allowed me to fuck up and make mistakes and not get mad or yell at me, they just talked me through it and everything was okay. I grew a lot in my role and responsibility too in such a short amount of time. I created they're whole entire 2024 marketing strategy and its so fucking good! Like, they will be very successful with that plan, it's already been proven and put into action by me and my (now former) teammate Chris. Him and I had a plan and we were going to crush it together. We were so excited. Anyways, they helped me trust again. They helped me see that not everyone sucks gorilla balls like fucking Doug. They helped me gain my strength back and not be so skinny from the stress I used to be under. My body was healthy again. I grew to believe in myself and trust myself. I found my self-worth again. My purpose. I truly loved going to work everyday. I never once said or had the thought that I dreaded work and hated going. All my other jobs, yes, absolutely, 110% thought that every single god damn day. This job? NEVER. I was head-over-heels in love, blinded by love and it bit me in the ass.

I have no hate or anger towards them. I mean that. I still love them and will sing their name from the rooftops. Even though I am heartbroken and sad, I realize the opportunity I have in front of me - to make my alive but non-functioning side gig into a main gig, get 2-5 clients under me and never have to worry about being fired or laid off again because I run my own shit mother fuckers. Ain't nobody gonna have me laid up crying over a job again. Fuck this. Taking life and matters into my own hands here. So, during this termination session and my tears, I mentioned contracting doing the company's marketing and socials and they liked that idea a lot, so fingers crossed. Hopefully that works out and then I can be off to a good start for 2024 with one team under my belt. He also said he was going to connect me with two other companies who need help in this realm - one he is the CEO of as well and is a music company here in Charlotte and the other is (was...) our engineering partners in Virginia who complimented on my marketing work and our (their...) social presence all the time. I was honored by that compliment and several others I received on my work from the team and my bosses. That helped my self-esteem and self-worth a lot. Contracting with teams moving forward will allow me the remote work life I long for, the travel life and leisure Chris and I desire and the flexibility and freedom we want.

While my heart is broken, I know this is good and is happening for a reason. I am more motivated than ever to get Emerald Projects running and successful and make my dad proud by being a business owner too.