My First Reiki Session

If you don't know what Reiki is, Google it. Read a few reliable source articles and maybe even learn about other holistic healing methods that coincide with Reiki.

I guess I should explain why I wanted to try Reiki. I felt that with all of the trauma and loss I endured from 2021 through early 2023, I needed to make sure that I was handling, processes, grieving and moving forward with those experiences in a positive and healthy way. I don't want to be bogged down or less of a person because of those events because they have made me who I am today, brought me to where I am today and blessed me with the people I have in my life as my support system. I feel that it is my duty to do the work to understand and move forward with these experiences, in a positive way, for them, so that I can help them during their difficult times, whether they're similar or not. I owe this work to them because of all they put into me during my troubling times.

To kick off the day, I already had a little bit of an emotional morning thinking of Ela and Dad. Little sobs in the kitchen out of no where got me going but, overall, not as emotional and upsetting of a morning as others have been, so that was a win. I had anxiety towards my session this day but, in a good and excited type of way. I knew my mind was open to whatever the session decided to bring and I would process it with grace and open-mindedness. I met San and she was lovely. Immediately, I felt a gentle and genuinely kind vibe from her. We went back to her room and just began talking. She likes to start each session with little chats getting to know me and all that jazz. She asked me why I wanted to try Reiki so I told her similarly to what you hear above and told her that I had already had a bit of an emotional morning. She said she could tell that when I walked in. Funny how energy truly goes run through this earth and your energy affects other people, even those you've never met before. Your aura is important and you should always be taking care of it and doing your best to keep it aligned and in check.

So, already, I'm a hot mess express up in this bitch crying. Didn't feel like the best start to the session but also at the same time, it did. I knew that I would have a good session being this vulnerable today and there is no better way to dive into Reiki then being emotionally aware and with an open heart to kick off the. morning. As I laid on the table, San guided me through a beautiful meditation and asked me to think of an issue I struggle with. Ela immediately came to my mind and tears again began falling down my face. San asked me where I felt this pain. "My chest", I said sobbing and reaching to clutch it. I could physically feel the pain in my heart thinking of her. That is where her and dad always tend to show up for me.

San scanned my body from head to toe to get a sense of where my energies would be taking her. At this time, I am still mediating but off on a journey on my own in my mind. I could feel myself twitching in areas she was moving through and it made me wonder many things, such as: Is this energy moving through my body because of this? Is San causing these twitches by moving my energy? What is she sensing? Can she see me twitching? Is this twitching and bodily jolts good or bad? Should this even be happening?

I felt the most energy coming from my chest and stomach. When San was over my stomach, I felt like she was controlling my energy with her hands. My breath was moving as one with her even though I couldn't see her or her hands. It was all feeling. With each breath I could feel my energy radiating out of my body into her hands. When she was over my chest, I could feel her pulling the heaviness out of me. If you've ever seen Harry Potter and know what the Death Eaters are and how they suck your soul out of your body until you're dead, thats what this felt like but, in a non-death type of way.

During my guided meditation at the beginning, San brought me to clearing where I would follow my feeling where ever it decided to lead me. And, if you're a real reader here, all like four of you who even know this blog exists and is my outlet for all things thoughts and emotions, you are aware of the warm dark hole my dad came to the through several months back. Well.....thats exactly where I went again. As I followed my light, I felt the warmth seeping in like an old friend. The black hole appeared and invited me in once again. Of course, I follow, knowing this is a safe space. Again, I can just feel that it is a familiar warmth and invitation. I would describe it as, if you've ever been fortunate enough to experience this, when a cardinal or butterfly comes and hangs around you and you just know what deceased loved one it is coming to visit you in a physical form. Like, you can just look at that animal and know exactly who it is. It's like your mind something secretly knows who it is and you get the feeling of what it used to be like in the presence of that person. I know it sounds crazy but truly, if you've never experienced it before, you won't understand. But, as soon as you do, you'll know exactly what I mean and hopefully, remember this blog and find peace in realizing its a visit from a spiritual loved one. I see these all of the time, in forms of cardinals and butterflies and it has actually inspired my next tattoo for my leg sleeve. A butterfly.

At the end of my session, San gently guided me out of my meditative state and back into the present. She handed me two tissues to wipe my tears away. Lying awake on the table, my body felt incredibly heavy. Like I had a weighted blanket over my whole body. I said, "San, my body feels so heavy." She said, "Leave it all on the table." I took a few deep breaths and, just like pulling a sticker off the page, I felt the heaviness leave my body, and stay on the table. Sitting up, I felt the lightest I have felt in years. San and I sat there in silence for a few minutes, just taking in the session. I could see San taking in the session herself, from an energy processing stand point. I was so nervous just watching her face and body language.

We began dissecting the session. San said that she felt a lot of words such as: No/Say No, Take Back Your Power, Why?, Positive Affirmations, Flying, What is Your Worth?, to name as many as I have been able to recall at this time. I should note that, this was an intense session and I do not recall every bit of it at this time. Things have come to me over the days since that I recall but not everything, yet.

San told me that my heart (anahata) and stomach (solar plexus) chakras were not aligned which is why and where I had the most energy coming from.

Starting with "No/Say No", I feel this comes from me saying "no" to things for often. I have been saying "no" more when I don't feel like doing things or that something doesn't serve me in that day or time, especially with exercising, if I feel my body is telling me to rest. This is challenging for me being so health focused and having a fear of being fat. I have struggled with this in the past with my relationship with fitness was very unhealthy but, today, I am very proud of myself for being able to skip workout days to rest and feel much less guilty about it now. I have been saying, "no", I don't need to workout for 1hr+ each day or be dying for a workout to be effective. I also am saying "no" to work networking events now because it no longer serves me. I only attend events I want to go to now and am not forced to be in bigs rooms knowing no one and having to deal with the immense anxiety that appears before going in to events. Also, I feel more confident saying no and not feeling like I have to be at my jobs every beck-and-call every single moment, like I felt when working with Doug the Dickwad. I remember always being on edge, 24/7 hoping a call, text or email wasn't coming from Doug or that I didn't miss anything he sent me in fear of him getting angry at me, like he always did. He took away all of my confidence and ability to stand up for myself and I have never felt like less of a person than I did with him. I still have a lot of work to do here but I am making small steps in the right direction.

Next, Take Back Your Power. This also related to Doug the Dickwad and the above mentioned very shitty and toxic work environment I was apart of. I lost all confidence in myself when working with him and I felt like I could never do anything right. He belittled me and always made me feel like the dumbest and least important person in the room. He told me that I was, "a jack of all trades and a master of none" and that he "didn't think I was ever going to be successful in life because of this." Damn. Talk about a fucking slap in the face. Well you know what, fuck you Doug. Because I have an awesome job that I am so good at and I have an amazing work environment and team behind me who loves who I am and we are all "jack-of-all-trades" and you're just a cheap ass, entitled piece of shit. So fuck off and rot in hell with a blazing rod of fire shoved up your tight prude asshole. I WILL get my power back because I have already started too. I know I am good at my job. I know my team loves me. I know I bring a lot to the table. I know I am smart, independent, creative and good at MANY things, which makes me very talented and diverse. I strive to regain my confidence every single day and while I know it will be a long journey, I am already well on my way and feeling stronger in myself each and every day.

Then came, Why? I am drawing a blank on this one right now. So maybe I'll edit this and talk about it when I remember or it will be its own blog or you may never hear about that section. Who knows? Not I, right now.

I do thought recall, Positive Affirmations. She said I need to speak more positive affirmations and not be so hard on myself. She said my body shows that I talk down to myself and constantly feel that I am not doing good enough, not doing enough in general, should be doing more/doing better, etc. I know I am my biggest critic. I always have been - but I also think that is what has helped me be who I am today and achieve what all I have achieve thus far in life. While I am hard on myself, I am proud of myself but, I know that I need to give myself grace. That is one of my biggest struggles, giving myself grace. This comes in times of not working out on days I feel I should even though my body says rest. This comes from procrastination at work. This comes from being an OCD perfectionist. When discussing this part, I mentioned to San that I endure a bit of nausea, roughly 1-2 hours, every morning. She said that this would be caused by the imbalance of my Solar Plexus and Anahata regions with it sitting right at the top of my stomach and in my lower chest cavity. She said that when that nausea starts to show up, I should go and speak positive affirmations to myself in the mirror and that I should do this every morning along with journaling. This was nice to hear as a potential cause of this everyday nausea and she told me how I can work on that moving forward.

Then, San asked if I was flying. Confused at first, I said, "yes, I went skydiving when I was 18", like a dumbass. SMH. She said "no, I mean in your mediation journey.  Where did you go? Did you fly? Yes, yes I did. I proceeded to tell her about how I went to the warm black hole and the significance of that along with when she was at my stomach, I felt myself flying towards the light with each and every breath I took. It felt how I imagine being picked up by aliens in a UFO with the light sucking me up from the bottom - check leading, limbs following. Flying. Free. Open to all possibilities. She mentioned that my inner child was telling me to "fly away". To be a child again. To do child-like activities and embrace the mindset and carelessness of being a child again. Little did San know, I was going back out to a barn I used to ride at later that day to embrace my inner horse girl that hasn't been out in many years!

Finally, What is Your Worth? This one . . . is hard and honestly, I still have absolutely no clue what my worth is. This is something I plan to begin to become mindful of and begin discovering for myself. Knowing what my worth is will help me remain strong in the future when times get tough or people challenge who I am and what I am worth in their own opinion. This will hopefully be its own blog when I figure out an answer or start formulating thoughts around this.

Closing thoughts with San included her saying that my dad is very much with me every single day. She said he was the most prominent voice from my energy and that he lives in my heart with me, which is why I feel him there so strongly. She said that he says he is always with me and is so proud of me. He made a funny remark about "getting my power back" and I said "yeah, that's something he would say, along with a wet-willy in your hear." Immediately,  I watched San turn and look beside me and laugh loudly. She said, "your dad has a very hardy laugh and thought that was funny." I began crying again but tears of happiness. Then she said that there is a female voice who is always present with me but she doesn't always say much. I immediately knew that was my dads mom, my grandmother who passed in 2006 or 2007, Grammy. She was my favorite grandparent growing up and I would walk over to her house everyday. She is who got me started in horses and made me such an animal lover. I truly believe it is her voice San heard alongside dad.

To close out, San said that I next steps in my holistic healing journey should be three more Reiki sessions along with Chakra healing work to balance everything back out again. I am excited for this new journey and all of the healing and feelings it will bring out. I look forward to growing and healing myself from these traumas and using these experiences to elevate myself and others around me. I know that if I am strong and do the work and use these events as lessons to grow and prosper, I will be able to help the people I love in the future when they endure similar scenarios and knowing I can give back to those that gave to me during such hard times, is the best way I could ever repay them. Leaving the session, I felt like a whole new person. I felt like my internal body, organs and energies got a deep, full body massage. It was incredible. As I was exiting, I told San thank you and that I felt amazing. San said "you are leaving a completely different person than who you came in, and I can feel that for you".

Thank you San and Harmony Health in Charlotte, NC for beginning this journey with me. More holistic healing to come. I highly recommend everyone explore this avenue of healing for themselves.